The Changing Face Of Marriage

Some time ago, it was impossible to get married anywhere other than the interior of a religious building, and any ceremony conducted outside of these boundaries was considered not to constitute a genuine wedding. As times have changed, and our perceptions along with them, we find ourselves in an age where it is now easier to get married than it was before – and where the option to marry is extended to people who previously could not.

There are people who argue that this is a bad thing per se. Increasingly they find themselves in a minority, but they still insist that marriage, if it is to mean anything, should be between a man and a woman, married in the eyes of the church and within a church building – or whatever place of worship they are affiliated to. These people further argue that the ease of getting married leads to unions that should never have taken place – and in the case of some quickie marriages which are followed by equally speedy divorces, they may have the beginnings of a point.

However, it should be pointed out that many of the most secure marriages in place today, and the most monogamous unions, are unions that could never have taken place were the couple required to be church-going, mixed-sex, and of a high enough social standing to be accepted into the church. It requires some strength of character on the part of the couple getting married to ensure that these unions come about and are successful, but the times have certainly changed compared with the situation of a century ago.

Capture The Wedding On Video

Not so long ago, before the major technological advances of the last couple of decades, a video camera was a very rare thing to own. People who did own one quite frequently had little idea how to operate it and were rewarded for their efforts by shaky, unfocussed clips with extremely poor sound that would look out of place in anything but a “Funniest Home Videos” compilation. In the present day so many advances have been made that the amateur with a handheld video camera can make a quite watchable recording.

So it is that, where past generations look to still photographs in an album when they wish to reminisce about their wedding day, the current generation is more and more frequently recording moving pictures of the occasion, allowing them to capture not only the momentary stillness of a group, posed picture, but also the things that make a wedding what it is – the exchange of vows, the placing of the rings and the moment when the person presiding over the wedding tells them that their union is bound.

The longer that time goes on, the more advances will be made technologically, and we all wait to see what that will bring. At present we are far further forward than we could have realistically imagined in the late 1980s. What does the future hold for wedding photographs and videos? And will the married couples of 2030 look back on our seemingly advanced recordings and laugh? Only time can tell us.

Wedding Photographs – Professional Or Amateur?

So many traditions have built up around the institution of marriage, some of which are more comprehensible than others. One of the more reasonable ones is the importance of wedding photos, an issue which leads many people to debate whether there is a justification for spending big money on a wedding photographer when just about every person there will be armed with a camera. Most people decide that it is entirely justifiable, and point to the importance of having souvenirs from the day. If it seems to you that having a husband or a wife would be the only souvenir you need, then that is fine – but not everyone agrees.

The thing that matters most about photographs is that they really capture the occasion – the people, the clothes, the flowers and the rest of it. If you have a keen photographer in the family (on either side), then you may see fit to give them a bit of cash for the privilege of them taking your official wedding photographs. If you want the photographs to be presented in a certain way, though, it is often easier (if more expensive) to get them done professionally. They will be bound in a personalized wedding album and will be of a high quality, but it will cost money.

It is worth bearing in mind that perhaps no other photographs you will ever appear in will mean as much to you as these ones – so you do want to be able to look at them without cringing. If you have the money to spend, a professional is usually worth the cost.

That’s The Dress! I Must Have It!

People who are getting married can be excused somewhat if they get a little bit over-excited and lose a little of their sense of perspective when it comes to the trappings and fripperies of a wedding ceremony. Exhibit A for the defense is the wedding dress. Probably all of us can think of one dress that we have seen worn to a wedding inspiring us to think “just what is she wearing?”. If the bride likes it, however, then it is her choice, it is her day. If it makes her look like a pavlova, then at least it is her choice to look like a pavlova.

The question which arises as often as the “What does she look like?” debate is to do with money. “She paid how much?” is something that we have probably all asked, usually at the top of our voice and with an incredulous expression upon our face. Yes, people spend a lot of money on getting the right dress. They will be looking at these photographs for the rest of their lives, after all. If they instinctively feel that it was the wrong dress, it could be nagging them for fifty years or more.

If there is an accusation to be leveled, then it should not be at the bride nor at the groom, but at an industry which all too often tells you that you must look a certain way and spend a certain amount to have the wedding you really want. In the end, the decision lies with you, and nobody has any right to deny you your special moment.

The Financial Pitfalls Of Wedding Planning

A common complaint from couples planning a wedding is how much everything costs. It is entirely understandable that this should be the case – many of the things that one buys for a wedding are available at a much lower price until such time as you include the word “wedding”, at which point the price climbs steeply. Judging that a couple getting married will spend more because it is intended to be their only wedding in a lifetime, people very cynically expect them to pay higher, and in many cases absurd, prices.

One example of this would surely be the cake. Although intricate, a wedding cake does not really contain any ingredients which justify the price many bakers place on it. In fact, if the cake was sculpted out of roast pheasant, iced with caviar and topped with platinum likenesses of the bride and groom, it would still struggle to justify the price that some people end up paying. A wedding dress or suit, too, will magically triple in price the moment the possibility that it will be worn to a ceremony arises.

This is why it is important to be hard-nosed in negotiations in the run-up to your wedding. You should not be expected to spend so much, given that you are making plans for a life together – this is money which would be better spent on household necessities. Of course a bit of pageantry is fine – but don’t let yourself be mugged just because you are planning a special day.

Stags And Hens And The Things To Look Out For

Couples who are about to get married do tend to follow the traditions of the concept more or less to the letter. Very often, this means that on the eve of the wedding the happy couple will, separately, go for a night out with their friends, generally those friends of the same sex. For the groom-to-be this is a “stag” night, while for his prospective spouse it is called a “hen” night. As different creatures as stags and wildfowl may be, the nights that bear their names are broadly similar. Alcohol is taken, frequently a stripper is invited, and a hangover on the most important day of your life is almost inevitable.

The stag or hen night is trumpeted as the individual’s “last night of freedom”. This in itself is a description which is losing some of its relevance, as usually the couple involved will have been living together for some time. Just what level of freedom they have prior to and including this “last night” is an issue for their own consideration, but it is wise not to test the elasticity of the description too far. If you spent your last night as a technically single guy or girl with a stripper, the excuse of tradition would be unlikely to spare you a very angry revelation later on.

That said, there is nothing wrong with a stag or hen night per se. Things do become more serious after you have been married, and those who have not had a final night of independent fun prior to this often regret it. Just make sure you are in a fit state to show up at the ceremony the following day.

A Warm Reception

One part of a wedding that some people consider to be all but indispensable in the present day is the reception. Having been through what a majority of attendees consider to be “the boring part” – you know, all the stuff about a lifelong commitment, sickness, health, richer, poorer, the whole nine yards – everyone decamps to a venue to eat, drink, dance, laugh, cry and if everything is planned correctly, for two drunken uncles to have a fight for reasons no-one will be able to understand. It is almost as much of a tradition as the exchanging of rings.

Planning the reception can be almost as much of a headache as the ceremony itself. Most venues will have a limit on the number of people you can invite, which is rarely the exact same total as those who have attended the ceremony and therefore means that some people will be able to come to one part but not the other. Then you have to decide who will sit with whom, and this in itself leads to the age-old question of “who hates who the least?”. Perhaps this is a cynical description, but it is also, in many cases, blazingly accurate.

Considering the likelihood of alcoholic beverages being served and consumed, it is important to keep in mind the possibility of division and bad blood. If necessary, it will be wise to keep people with grudges as far apart as possible, and also to have a word in their ear about standards of behavior. Remember it is your day, not theirs.

Honeymoon In… Wherever

There can be few concepts with more traditions attached to them than that of marriage, and particularly the wedding day (or week) itself. Yes, you are doing this because you want to spend the rest of your life together, but there will be countless people who are not immediately concerned with the foreseeable future and far more interested in issues such as: hen and stag nights, the reception, the throwing of the bouquet, and the honeymoon. The first and the last of these are referred to with much lascivious raising of the eyebrows, as is the third for some. But the honeymoon is out on its own as a tradition.

The idea of a honeymoon is that the couple at the moment of marriage should be so deeply and totally in love that they are each the only person the other one wants to spend time with. To do this, they go on holiday (alone, together) and enjoy each other’s company for a spell. In times gone by, the idea would be that in nine months the union would be blessed with child – but these days with planned parenthood, people are deciding to put parenthood on the long finger.

The honeymoon still has a very strong resonance for many people, and any expensive hotel will have a “Honeymoon Suite”, which will be tricked out with everything you could possibly want. They usually cost an absolute fortune, and you can probably get the necessary bits and bobs yourself for a lower price. But really, all that matters on a honeymoon is that you are alone together.

A Wedding Is Just One Day, A Marriage Is For Life

As cynical as we have become in this day and age, the act of getting married is still considered to mean something. Some people rush into it for the wrong reasons, others are more or less forced into it, but if you are getting married you should have every intention of making this arrangement stick for life. When planning a wedding, it is important to bear in mind that, although the day is important and has a lot of high points, the day itself should never be bigger than the future that will follow it.

A lot of people become very wound up by the prospect of their wedding day. The cost, the sheer volume of people (all well-wishers, yes, but sometimes that phrase can seem bitterly ironic), and the pressure of being placed under such scrutiny, can all seem to be needless and excessive when the whole day is really about making a solemn and binding commitment to the person you love more than anyone else in the world. This is part of the reason some couples still elope in this day and age.

It is an accepted statistical fact that these days, less than half of newlyweds consummate their union on the first night of the honeymoon, because they are so exhausted and emotionally drained from the weeks and the days that have preceded it that they just want to sleep and recover. Perhaps the best promise you can make to one another is to get through the day together and concentrate on the marriage that lies ahead.

Keeping The Peace

As much as we would sometimes like to pretend otherwise, it is a fact that there are many people who never get along with their in-laws. No matter how much effort there is on either or both sides, sometimes personalities do not mesh. And there is little that can be done about it if this happens on a basic level. As much as you want your new bride (or groom) and your parents or siblings to be the best of friends, for them to see in each other what you see in them, sometimes there can be instinctive bad feeling between the two sides.

There is no magic wand you can wave and persuade two people, or two groups of people, who have mutual antipathy to start liking one another. Certainly, people can change their opinions on others over time, but trying to force it is not the answer. The only likely outcome of this is that people will react more angrily and potentially even violently towards individuals for whom they have an instinctive dislike so when deciding on seating plans for a wedding, it is wise to think ahead and work out where potential flashpoints may arise.

In addition, it is wise to take any of the more combustible elements on either side to one side and point out that this is your wedding day. If for no other reason, they really ought to be prepared to lay down their grudges for you, for this one day. That really is not too much to ask.

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